I wish I could’ve just let it go. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t wise. I was injured. So I remembered every harsh word ever spoken to me and the expression on the faces that delivered them. The ones who gave the look of pleasure when they realized they’d caught me off guard and hurt me. Or the people who trashed me behind my back when they thought I wasn’t listening. I let it smolder a long time.
I never understood why anyone would choose to act that way when they could have chosen better things to say and do. Do you know what I mean? It wasn’t necessary for them to be mean.These moments were etched in my brain and I didn’t know how to make them disappear.
I would recall the words and the scenes—and the people—at random times; but mostly, in the middle of the night they came calling on me and dragged me where I didn’t want to go. And I had many moments of rage. Words CAN hurt people far worse than sticks and stones.
I became angry at myself because I hadn’t stood my ground and lashed out at them while I had the chance. And I was hurt at myself with the resentment of not knowing what to do! But all the self-bashing, rumination and dwelling in the past only kept me from moving forward. I decided I didn't want to be like them. And they would never again have the power to harm my life. I would look at them with pity, forgive them, and ask God to forgive them.
It has made all the difference. I have compassion for cruel people for Solomon wrote, “Cruelty destroys the soul of the one who is cruel, but kindness nourishes our souls." I will take no delight in anyone’s demise—lest I place myself under the same judgement.
Now I can handle cruel humans, by asking in their behalf to their Creator. “Why not just be wronged?” Paul asks. Or, look at Jesus’ example, “When they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.” Going forward, I will give my Total Recall to God. He is the only one who knows perfectly what to do with it.
Resolve to trust God when you are mistreated and do as God does . . . bless. Pray for them. Maybe God will give them what they need to be a better, happier, more complete person. Wouldn't it be nice to see God answer that prayer?! Consider the benefits of choosing this way, outlined in the link to this short Psalm! (Ps 103:1-5)
© Copyright 2020, revised 2022, Gary Landerfelt. MyPericope.com
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