Olympic gold medalist Wilma Rudolph once spoke on the value of losing this way: “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.”
Her statement has an apocalyptic ring to it, yes?
Have you ever lost? I have. I have quite a few stories I could tell, but I dare not. In a moment of weakness, I might tell a friend, verbally—and alone, but certainly not in writing … especially on social media. And if my friend should spread my confessions? Well . . . that would be a loss.
My early failures were particularly devastating to me as I had no experience or training at it. I was humiliated, shut down, shut up, and embarrassed. But I had wise mentors who taught me how to survive and move forward in what seemed to be a wilderness of losing.
I marveled that they, some of the brightest people I’ve ever known, could have ever failed even once. They seemed so poised and sure of themselves. But their wise actions and advice had obviously come at a cost. They'd not only lost but, at some point, had chosen to manage losing in a whole new way. They decided to no longer beat themselves up over mistakes but to embrace losing, and I could see they were well on their way to overcome almost any challenge.
They told me I would ’lose’ many times. They warned, however, that I should not confuse losing with being a loser. If I CHOSE to learn anything from defeat and searched for a way to fearlessly move past it, I could succeed after every failure. I just needed to improve at losing first. Winners never quit. My dad occasionally reassured me this way: “When it stops hurting, it will feel better.”
I began to travel the ever-brightening path of overcoming failures by continuing to move forward. I found humor in individuals who lacked control over their own lives yet worked so hard to control mine. Now I could laugh about difficult people. At insults. At bosses who needed to keep me under their thumb. At things not going my way. And people who take almost everything so seriously. I eventually discovered the truth: Losers hardly ever see the humor in their mistakes or anything else. And they misuse too much time attempting to prevent others from laughing at all.
The healthiest and most well-adjusted folks I know laugh. And I tend to choose them as my closest humans. They see the paradox life offers and accept it. They are champions in life. Yes, there is a time for everything; nonstop laughing can be just as uncomfortably pathological as always being offended, upset, demanding one's own way, and having constant rage. For those in the latter category, there are no afflictions as insidious, and without help, their lives will be a mess. And everyone who must be around them will share the misery. A loss indeed!
Simply put, I choose winning! Since you’ve been kind enough to read this far, I want to give you a gift. It's an attitude born from a time of loss. To read, we begin with “A-B-C.” THIS is a simple strategy to help pick yourself up when you lose. Simple, but not simpleton. It has a certain humor to it that I hope you'll discover: There is a saying in psychology circles, “When you change anything, you change everything.”
Be sure to make this one little change consistently: The next time there arises something you must do, say to yourself, “I GET to do . . . “ whatever it is, instead of “I HAVE to do.” You might even begin to smile more. I see the corners of your mouth lifting already! And just that quickly, you're on your way to becoming a champion!
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