Three decades ago, the Steven Covey Institute was an initial part of my corporate Six Sigma training. It was based on Covey's brilliant work, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." Although his writings were more popular then, they are well worth revisiting, as their many insights remain relevant today. These "7 habits" describe every successful persons I have known.
One lecture began with, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This pithy, deceptively simple saying is rarely practiced by most people and is one key reason we have unnecessary arguments, fights, and maybe even wars. Without understanding what people are thinking or what they are trying to say or accomplish, how could we ever know how best to communicate in daily home and business interactions? Ask. You shall receive!
Being curious can be annoying in some situations, but if we fail to ask, we make assumptions. And we all know what happens when we ass-ume! Assuming is rich fodder for judging others. Being judgmental can and will produce poor results. Effective people avoid quickly judging someone's character or intent.
Faultfinding, another term for judgmental behavior, is as old as time—a uniquely human characteristic. It is a byproduct of judgment. The first two humans were perfect examples of how devastating a lack of being curious enough to seek needed information can be.
One example of failure to first understand was acted out well in the popular TV series Ted Lasso. In one episode, Ted sets up the arrogant Rupert, the former owner of an English football team, to challenge him to a game of darts.
You can watch it here and/or continue to read:
Rupert, who never took the time to understand "who" Ted was or Ted's way of coaching, continually underestimates Ted and misreads his happy, smiling, and joking demeanor as a weakness, so he views a dart challenge as a sure win. He assumes that Ted is an incompetent buffoon at everything he tries and wouldn't stand a chance in a game of darts.
But as the scene unfolds, it soon becomes evident that Ted is exceptionally skilled at darts—and strategy. As is his habit, Ted lives according to certain principles (as all "effective people" do); in this case, Rupert speaks condescendingly to Ted and Rupert's ex-wife in front of a crowd. Ted seizes the situation to turn the tables on the offender.
Rupert humiliates himself by losing as Ted hits three perfect throws to end the game. Rupert seems to be a gracious loser at first, but can't resist attempting to hurt his ex before he leaves, removing all doubt that, as a person, Rupert is, in fact, a "loser."
While playing the game, Ted "schools" Rupert, as he points out that one simple question from Rupert, such as, "Ted, have you played darts before?" could have saved him from embarrassment.
Ted encapsulates this lesson by quoting Walt Whitman, saying: "Be curious, not judgmental."
At work, ask a coworker about their skills or experiences instead of judging their lack of expertise or choice of action. In personal relationships, gentle questions before making assumptions about their behavior (being curious) can save us all from the fallout of bad judgment.
Before forming an opinion, ask: "Have I truly understood this?" or "What am I potentially missing out on?" This simple reflection can prevent misunderstandings, create new opportunities, and lead to better outcomes.
Mr. Covey and Ted Lasso give us creative and practical applications of what is actually an ancient command from Jesus. Who knew?
If we would only do as he ordered, we could achieve so much more in serving and loving our neighbor as ourselves: "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For the judgment you give will be the judgment you get."
Be curious. What if the byproduct of doing so will bring peace?
Reject judging others. What if that simple decision brings Joy?
Produce the fruit God intended. We've all read about it.
It is that curious fruit that, as we produce it, indicates God's Spirit lives in us.
Copyright May 2024 Gary Landerfelt MyPericope.com
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